Real Name	We will not give your name away to anyone, for any reason, even the professors (except of course the official printer of the degree documents). This is the exact spelling that will appear on any degrees you might earn.
Pseudo Name (first and last please)	This is the name that we WILL sell to telemarkets. Make sure you pick something not personally identifiable like your SSN. Other students will be made to believe this is your REAL name so don't forget it or you'll wish you did.
Password	This will allow you to login in a participate in classes. Must be minimum six characters.
Real Email	This is your real email address that the college will keep secret.
Fake Email	This is a fake email address that we might use from time to time to lure spam bots with. Do not use someone elses real email here.
Degrees?	Please list any current degrees, titles, certificates, letters of recomendation, medals of honor, awards, etc... that you have been awarded. These will be used to make fun of you during freshperson initiation week.
Security Answer	What is your maternal grandmother's childhood best friend's maiden name?
Bank Balance	Please give the current amount as of your last statement. Someone will be calling you shortly for your routing and account numbers.
Hat Size For graduation hats
Hair Color	brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown brown bald
Sweater Size	small medium extra medium large slightly huge
Species	Homo sapiens Bos taurus Canis lupus familiaris Carassius auratus Felis silvestris catus Gallus gallus Gallus gallus superior Homo ergaster Homo erectus Homo neanderthalensis Homo sapiens Homo superior Sus scrofa Robotis spamicus If you are a human and you are submitting this application on behalf of a non-human in the capacity of keyboard assistant please choose the species of the applicant, not yours.
	Which School or Department are you Interested In? Perpendicular Logic Logic and Philosophy Fine Arts Liberal Arts Conservative Arts Mathematics Recreational Physics Temporal Physics Dimensional Physics Extra Terrestrial Technology The Solar Furnace Finger Painting Picking your nose and Farting alot Drinking Beer, Getting Drunk, Puking all over your Best Friend then Passing Out Studies Dont Know, you choose for me If you aren't sure right now don't worry, we'll pick one for you that we think will be the most time consuming.
	Please select from the following list the fact or phase that most describes how you found out about the College. Lost a bet Friend tricked me Had a sign from God Read about the College in the Wall Street Journal Read about it in automatic writings A time traveler crashed into my apartment and left his card behind, I've come to collect damages Elvis Recommended George Bush did NOT attend My parents wanted me to get a degree and I thought this would be a good way to trick them Required by the parole board
	Can you, without effort, lift 25 pounds? When I get around to it. yes no I'll pay my man-servant to do it for me I'll use my girlish charm to get some dumb blockhead to do it instead I'll successfully argue the non existence of the weight I'll build a robot to do it for me I'll get Elvis to do it I'll do it but bill the college for time spent I'll reprogram the webpage this question is on to say I already did it What's a pound? And what am I suppost to do with 25 of them?
	In case of emergency... Notify my next of kin Notify my dog Notify my cat Call 911 Forget It! Expel me and award my credits to someone else at random Talk to the hand! Freeze my body, thaw when the statute of limitations runs out on my student loans Call my parole officer I'll bank wire you 25 cents An emergency is defined as a pending lawsuit naming you as a co-conspirator OR your name showing up on the pottery barn no-sell blacklist OR the student body voting you out of the college

Once your application has been submitted, verified, tabulated, misconstrued and used inappropriately you will be allowed to participate in current ongoing classes. Once you have successfully passed the entrance exam you will then be allowed to earn credits for those classes unless, of course, you have bribed your instructor.