Release Date:   April
Sequence No.:   0027

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W E L C O M E   N E W   S T U D E N T S
All new students are invited to an orientation party to be held on the New Physics Field inside the Solar Furnace ring to be held next week at 1PM sharp. You are encouraged to bring your own radiation suit as we only have a few 50s era ones for use by the staff.

Y E A R B O O K   P H O T O S
Yearbook photos, this year, will be taken utilizing satellite technology. Please see the student roster postings outside the cafeteria for your scheduling. At the appointed time please stand outside your dorm, with regulation attire, look up, and smile. Thank you for your cooperation. Any questions should be directed to the the Director of Remote Sensing for Yearbook Studies in the Humanities Building room #278.

F A R E W E L L   F O R   P R O F .   G L I C H T E R S P I E L
A retirement party for Professor Glichterspiel Px.D will be held in his honor directly before his scheduled entombment on Thursday. Glichterspiel has chosen a fast freeze-drying method of emtombment before he must return to Medieval Germany. He has been a traveling fellow on sabbatical and consequently on loan to the College by the Tanzerphilosophbereits Academie for the last several centuries. We will all miss Prof. Glichterspiel and his antics with the zither rolling class.