Abstact:There has been or will have been at least one banana for everyday of history and as such the events of that day are recorded (encoded) into that particular banana.

Contents:At first the previous statement seems like a perfectly normal perpendicular statement to make, but, in fact, it is a perfectly sound classical logic statement. Since proving something in classical logic neither affirms nor denies a perpendicular statement and in fact must leave an ambiguous taste in the mouth of the professional logician pondering it, and therefore giving the classical proof for the Banana History Theory (BHT) will be relinquished here so that a new paragraph my logically be commenced.

The study of BHT has begun to heat up in recent years due to the discovery that the Sun is a prime number. Pick any number besides the Sun and one and it will not divide evenly or at all into the Sun (it remains to be seen exactly what sort of a number the Sun actually is: abstact?, physical? surreal?). Therefore the Sun is prime and any sunlight reaching the earth and powering the photosynthesis of banana trees must produce unique patterns corresponding to the primal nature of the Sun and therefore that particular day in history. But the character issue of the Sun has been brought up in this election year, and so all of BHT research is scrambling for PAC money to do more studies in order to determan the viability of a continuing source of untainted sunlight. And what of the past sunlight imprinting all the historical bananas used in arguments against the sun? Does the fact that we suspect the then believed untainted sunlight to be tainted now make the previous sunlight any less untainted? I think not. The real issue here is who(what) is the father of the Sun and if it is, is it prime(al)?

Dr. Macy PL.D
8 June 1992.2